Portland White Belt Discovers He Doesn’t Have To Wash Gi
BREAKING NEWS PORTLAND: This is mlcsadmn and I am reporting this story as it develops from none other than rainy Portland Oregon where reports are surfacing here that there is a local Portland White Belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu who claims that he doesn’t have to wash his gi.
The local man just started at a SE Portland gym and told coaches there that he wanted to fight: ” as soon as possible”.
It was within in the dozens of hours that he had spent on the mats when he quickly discovered that despite not changing his gi for several classes in a row : he did not seem to have any odor whatsoever.
Going on into the weekend, the Jiu Jitsu Whitebelt incredulously went to Sunday Open Mat at Mata Leao Combat Sports where he says that “No one seemed to notice [that he had not washed his gi]”.
This is my third or fourth class in a row that I’ve been and I haven’t washed my gi yet. I swear, everytime I check it smells like it just came out of the laundry”.
Local Jiu Jitsu Enthusiasts are starting to scratch their heads at the local “miracle kid” and wonder why their gi smells like wet cardboard that was found underneath the Burnside bridge.
” I don’t know, ya know. Must be some kinda genetic thing where the guy doesn’t smell. I have rolled with him several times and I’ve asked him ‘ man, why do you smell so good?’ and he just laughs it off like ‘hey, I don’t invest anything into my personal hygiene’ and ya know, he’s totally right.”
The man was asked if he had any future plans for putting his gi in the washer, soaking it in vinegar, hanging out to line dry.
” I am probably going to go to my friend Kyle’s house because his parents have a hot-tub. I’ll probably just get in with my gi because the chlorine will like [sic] kill all the germs.”
Whether or not this will potentially end the Porltand White Belt unbelievable streak remains to be seen. Whatever mojo that might be holding the gi back from smelling might be sensitive and it has been theorized that this power comes from not washing the white BELT specifically.
Chael Sonnen was emailed, and did not get back to breaking BJJ news in time for publication.
Portland White Belt : MLCSADMN